Embracing Grace: Navigating Diverse Holiday Traditions within the Family

Every family has their own holiday traditions, and when you combine families, those diverse traditions can sometimes clash. Today I want to talk about how we can embrace the concept of grace toward one another when it comes to these traditions during the holiday season.

Combined families

Do you remember those holiday episodes of TV shows where there would be a new guest at the family gathering, or newlyweds attending one side of the family’s gathering for the first time? Those always emphasized how holiday traditions looked different for each family, and how diversity is a good thing.

It’s hard when you grow up doing certain traditions with your family, only to find out as an adult that not everybody does things your way. One of the hardest things for me has been accepting that my husband’s family does holidays differently than mine does.

We live within driving distance of my husband’s side of the family, while my side lives two states away. So we have chosen to always celebrate the “lesser” holidays (single-day events like Easter, 4th of July, or Thanksgiving) with his side since we see them on a regular basis, and the “major” holiday of Christmas (more of a season than just a day haha) with my side by traveling to visit them.

I have often found myself very frustrated with myself and my in-laws when they do things differently than I would’ve liked to do them. But that’s one of the situations we come across when we choose to marry and join families. It’s a difficult lesson for me, but each year I find myself praying to have patience and to give others grace.

What is grace?

What do I mean by giving others grace? From a Biblical standpoint, God has given all of us grace by sending his only son to die on the cross for our sins. Even though we don’t deserve it, God has love for us and has chosen to give us a way to salvation.

The Bible encourages us to give others grace, just as God gave us. We can be loving and kind toward others despite our differences, knowing that every one of us is made in God’s image and needs that grace just as much as the next person.

Here are 3 Bible verses about giving others grace:

1. Colossians 3:12-14

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

Colossians 3:12-14

2. Ephesians 4:31-32

“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Ephesians 4:31-32

3. 1 Peter 4:8-9

“Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling.”

1 Peter 4:8-9

How can we show grace?

Just as the scriptures above said, we can love one another, be forgiving, show hospitality without grumbling, and put on the virtues of compassion, humility, patience, and more.

But sometimes, it can be really difficult to do that.

If you’re stubborn like me, you may get all in your head about these frustrations you have with those different from you. Perhaps you start to paint them as the bad guys, even if they’re not actually doing anything wrong. I’m not gonna lie–if I were upset enough about my in-laws’ differences in traditions and someone came up to me and told me to “get over it and be nice”, I’d be really mad haha.

That’s when prayer comes in.

Scripture is a wonderful tool to teach us and lead us in the right direction. But I believe prayer is what makes it more personal.

When you pray, you are talking directly to God. You are asking him for help with your specific situation. And I’m not saying to pray something like “God, please make these other people change.”

It’s time to ask God to help you change.

When I remember to pray about this stuff, I try to ask God to give me peace, patience, humility, and grace. I ask him to help me have the discipline to exercise these traits. I ask for the opportunity to use these virtues. And those requests are instantly humbling.

It’s as if the walls around my heart and mind just disintegrate. It breaks me out of my anger and frustration and helps me see what the root of the issue is.

Different is okay

It’s okay to have diversity among family traditions during the holidays! (As long as they’re not immoral or unethical, of course.) Even if it’s frustrating or stressful (which is a personal problem–not everyone will feel that way or understand), we have an opportunity to exercise Biblical grace and Christlike love.

There’s also no rule saying you can’t compromise here and there, and that goes for everyone involved. It’s okay to suggest doing things a tad differently if everyone is up for it, and it’s okay to let go of certain traditions you’ve held for so long that others don’t do.

I’m aware that every family has a different dynamic, and holidays can be either a happy time or a dark time for many. Sometimes the gracious thing to do is to bow out respectfully and do something different entirely.

Make your own new traditions!

Which brings me to this idea! Having a hard time accepting the different traditions in your new family or group? Or perhaps you’ve had to leave that group entirely for whatever reason. Why not start some new traditions from scratch?

You can always start small traditions within your immediate family. This allows you to feel like you have a true say in how you want things to go for your kids. You as parents can filter out the things you didn’t enjoy growing up and keep the things you did enjoy.

>>>Read more: 6 Christmas Traditions Your Family Can Start Now

Holiday traditions are a funny thing. Sometimes they’re frustrating and outdated, sometimes they’re exciting and we look forward to them. Sometimes they’re overdone and sometimes they don’t exist! It’s different for each family. The best thing we can do is exercise grace when we deal with those whose traditions (or lack-thereof) that are different than our own.

What are some traditions you like to do for holidays? Let me know in the comments!

God bless,

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